maMaSan’s MuSes…

Sam&Matt on tortoise

Originally uploaded by yooch24

Looks like they’ll only give bright smiles when doing something they like Caught one nice snap of them at the Zoo last Tues after putting them onto the giant bronze tortoise. )

We trudged our way there bright and early Saturday morning (yes yes, this is a LATE post!) and boy, was it HOT!!! What a nice break from the dreary rainy days we’ve been having.

This pic is a sneak snap of 2 kids queueing up to go in. They aren’t mine, but I thought the parents were so COOL to have brought this along! Like the ones you can rent at the zoo, but better with a sun shade! I just wonder how much one costs…

Check out the awesome fighter jet in the background! (um, we couldn’t get a nice smiley pic of Sam since he hates taking photos and he also hates the sun and the crowd and staying still for the camera)

Daddy & Matt waiting to go into a fighter jet. We didn’t in the end cos the queue was wayyy too long and we wanted to grab good seats for the air show.

Inside a Chinook helicopter! Yay!

The best part was in the end, when M said, “Mummy, next time when I grow up, I want to be a PILOT.”

After enjoying half a year of laid-back hanyu-pinyin at his school (Nanyang Pri) and very good grades for all class tests, we had a nasty surprise this term with the Chinese test which featured han zi writing for the first time. Our friend S got a beautiful 22 marks out of 40!!! Which is a near-pass if u might say. And for a Primary One test, it’s horrendous.

And the test was ridiculously tricky. S had 0 marks for his li2 jie3 wen4 da2. Yes we have been lax in the Chinese compre part, but the school had not been giving any exercises in this either! At least not any I knew of!

So today with S at home with a (very) mild cold, this kiasu mummy took out the Higher Chinese Comprehension assessment book and selected ONE MCQ compre passage.

It took us nearly 2 hours. And I admit the CANE came out, and so did my VOICE.

He didn’t know so many words of EVERY sentence, and I had to prompt every EVERY EVERY sentence he read! Man, you can’t depend on his ting xie getting full marks to assume he recognises his words!! SOOOO, I took out some rough paper, wrote down ALL the words in this passage that he didnt know – probably about 40 of them. Went through them ONE by ONE, each time only a max of 8 words. After about 15 MINS of EACH group, repeating each word many many many many times, our friend still COULDN”T recognise the words when I pointed to it for the umpteenth time.

OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS SOLID CHINESE CHARACTER RECOGNITION SKILLS HE HAD AS A TODDLER??!!!! It has flown out the window since school began!

After more than 15 mins of recognizing words (and I didn’t even get him to practice WRITING), I got him to re-read the passage with the words he should now know. And we were only in the FIRST GROUP of words – we had 5 more to go!!!! And could he recognize the words this time? HARDLY!!!! It was like the words simply flew by him and his brain honestly registered PEANUTS!! Geeeez!!!

I was mad. Still am. At how poor his focusing and memory skills are, and at how ridiculously difficult the Chinese words can be. And why at Primary One do they need to recognise words like da1 ying4 and dao4 li3. If the struggle is going to be this bad next yr, I’m going to take him out of this school.

He’s going to start reading one Chinese book a day from now on! Out LOUD!!!! Anyone has recommendations for GOOD chinese story books? Can’t find any!!

Matt has been most enjoyable to have around while making my hampers, and he has been invaluable in picking out matching ribbons and flowers! This guy sure has got fashionable colour-coordinating sense! He’s also been a GREAT HELP as u can c below!

This is him helping me cut the brown paper for filling the tin pail. No more need to specially arrange for motor-skills practice in scissor-cutting!

 And then CRUSHING IT (his fave!)

Then he very importantly helped hold the ribbon in place for me to have a good grip for tying. He was focusing so hard he couldn’t look up at the camera to smile!  

Guess who picked the flower combi to go with my new line of mid-priced range bb boy hamper? You’re right!! Way to go Matt!

Dear Matt, thank you for being such a cheerful helper and for taking your “job” so seriously. It’s great having you around as a willing helping hand!

It was after a loooong tiring day after his school and maths enrichment class. Sam requested to go for a walk but Matt didn’t want to join in. Matt had been joined to my hip all day and probably had enough of me So I jumped at the opportunity to go for a walk with my eldest alone, just the two of us.

What a nice time we had. It was probably only about 15mins but it was nice walking side by side with him, chatting comfortably and I had an uncontested time to talk about foolish words which I noticed he was going into with his friends.

He’s now coming to 7yo, and at a height comfortable enough to rest my arm around his shoulders, and we walked that way for some time. And he was so pleasant to talk with, I had nearly forgotten about S the individual who was nice, funny, and respectful deep down inside. Most times some other family wld be around at least within hearing shot to create some complications with this guy who easily stresses up.

When we got home and I pointed out his clothes which were strewn on the floor, to be put into the laundry basket, he willingly obliged without a fight and even with a smile. He got a big hug and smile for that!!

Well the rest of the night didn’t go as smoothly and isn’t worth mentioning, but I think I’ll go one step further on my 1-1 time with S, to actually go out of the house alone, with him.

I think we’d like that

In the scope of starting a new biz, and midst of just everyday parenting, it was easy to lose focus. Add to that another potential biz venture from an extremely well-qualified possible biz partner, and getting excited over so many things that are totally unrelated to parenting.

My form of escapism from the struggles and problems at home.

That I had failed to see some of the reasons for the discipline struggles, my younger boy’s newly emerged clinginess and insecurity. Although physically present, I had emotionally neglected my kids and lost my heart for them, and they could sense it.

Thanks to a dear friend’s (thank u ezmum ) reminder that to SAH is our profession (and Jesus is our CEO) so we should take our job seriously and dedicate our time and resources to it as much as any professional working person wld for their boss. And if Jesus is ours, shouldn’t we do it with even more pomp and heart?! That said, armed with a huge piece of paper and pencil, and with prayer, I laid down my new plan for my home and biz, all of which I’ll do my best for Jesus.

I am not a stickler to plans, and like to change as I go along, but in line with all my new commitments I’ll reprioritise my time for my family and my biz putting my family first as my only job that will have lasting eternal effects.   

Basically this is what I’ll do:

• FORGET about all other possible exciting ventures and focus on what matters – what I have NOW – my family and my hamper biz.
• Scale down on my biz. Aim for simple marketing and trust in the Lord. Kids are more important than $$$.
• Spend heartfelt time with M 1st in morning and do schooling for half hour. (been neglecting it!) Give at least half hour full attention to him in play.
• Only then spend my next hour or so on biz. Include M whenever I can in visiting retailers or creating the hampers rather than waving him away.
• Spend solid 1-1 personal heartfelt time with S when he comes back home. Do homework with him with the pc OFF. 
• Catch up a bit more on admin work during their TV time after homeowork.
• Aim to complete whatever biz work in day time so nights can be reserved for hubby and personal relaxation.
• Smile more often!

I have decided that in order to be successful  in my quest to parent more gently, I need a game plan for our most testy situations.

This is what i’ll strive (no absolutes here!!! human nature strikes all too easily!!) to do in place of spanking/shouting/caning. Other great ideas will be most welcome

• Monkey faces when being reprimanded – Say calmly, “show me your respectful face” & stand there until he complies. (i know – sounds so lame. any other suggestions?)
• Can’t stand/sit still, hyperactive inappropriate behavior – Invite to go outdoors or somewhere private where it’s more appropriate. Develop a secret signal to remind. And follow through.
• Teasing/meanness – Say “That’s Teasing/Mean.” followed by a couple mins on Thinking Chair to think of what kind action they can do to make up.
• Lying – this is a hard one. I can only think of giving him 3 hard strokes of the cane since it is hard to make up for a lie, and reduce the strokes if he confesses the truth. Really can’t think of a suitable alternative for this one.
• Foul words/actions – Remain calm and explain in kid terms their true meaning and why we do not do those actions/words. Try to ignore or come up with alternative words e.g “ooops!/ pingpangpong!/ hairybanana!”

Meanwhile, our rewards chart for kindness, taking turns, generosity, respect, loving actions will continue and will step up vigilance to catch them at being good.

I would greatly welcome any better ideas!!

Well… an update on how things had been going after my new resolve not to spank/yell/cane. The very following 2 days after my new resolve, I found myself exactly going back to the same old tactics.

Sam making funny faces at me after being reprimanded got a sharp rap on the head, Matt got verbal lashings from mummy over all his whining (which has been getting very bad. Just say NO to something and he’ll begin his whining tirade, something which I always respond negatively to via ignoring / spanking but does not seem to have any effect.) and I thought to myself, AP IS FOR THE BIRDS!!!!!

Well, the next day I decided to bring them out to the beach for the entire morning to give ourselves a break. No hubby, no ILs, just me, the kids, and Siti my helper. What a breath of fresh air it was! No nagging, no stress to follow through on naggy granny rules, no issues of “don’t touch this, that’s dirty, that’s unhygienic”. I spread ourselves on the beach mat, gave ground rules of giving each other sand space/no throwing of sand, and basically allowed them to do whatever they wanted. And me? I leaned back, enjoyed the wind, and felt all stress leave.

It obviously helped things out a LOT, cos both myself AND kids were a whole lot more relaxed throughout the day. And it showed through OUR behavior as well Basically it was lots of smiles, gentle words, caring behavior etc which lasted the whole weekend.

And hubby was so happy with a happy wife n kids that he finally agreed to buy a 6-man tent for us 4 future beach outings with possibilities of stay-overs, hooray!

There’ll be definitely more outdoor therapy for us all!

My New Daughter

FIL laughingly told his pal, ” We can’t seem to be successful at getting a daughter, so we bought a female puppy instead!” hee hee… it’s true. Ours is a family with 2 boys, and dh is elder of 2 boys, FIL is number 10 out of a family of 8 boys, and my paternal grandpa was one of 10 boys.

O man! You’d think diet and weather played a part in sexual creation, but apparently according to our history, it’s pure GENETICS. Ah…..don’t think i’ll try 4 a #3 girl, odds aren’t in our favor!

Anyway back to LV. She’s all of 3 1/2 mths old, a furball of sweetie pie. She hardly barks, but has little “manja” squeals to call out to us for attention. Malteses hardly shed fur and are known to be one of the gentlest breeds to have as a house pet. Which makes for a great change in our noisy, rambunctious household badly in need of some gentle feminine wiles!

Didn’t get to take a pic of LV with S, but here’s one with Matt who simply adores her & will carry her everywhere he goes. Not sure if she’s that agreeable to that though …

Matt with LV

 As for Sam, LV has been great in easing his tantrums. Just pop her into his arms during an intense anger moment and you can literally see all the heat evaporate from him. It’s great watching his gentle side when he’s with our pets. If only we could see it more with people. I think he just finds animals a whole lot simpler than the human race. Well… pet therapy, anyone?

Today I was armed with my new resolve not to spank/cane/yell. And to view my kids in an AP-mindset. (For those who aren’t in the know, AP refers to attachment parenting) And boy, the day sure was different.

I found myself smiling at them more, very much calmer although there were a couple of rough moments, but somehow my own calm attitude transmitted to their getting over the slights much much faster. Today, I tried my best to intervene BEFORE the storm erupted, and it made a DIFFERENCE. Like M was starting to wail for the car S was riding on, and before he wailed I quickly started the timer – “take turns after 5mins!” And there was totally no issue after that! Normally I wld reprimand him for wanting what kor-kor wanted, need to wait for turn, blah blah blah while yours truly wailed away and behaved like a total brat.

I also found myself talking to them in an enjoyable manner, rather than barking commands at them and generally feeling like they were a pain. A change of mindset makes a world of difference!

Basically today ended really well. Especially when it could have turned out much worse had not I been calm.

Dear God, thank you for starting me again on a new path. I submit this journey to You, and I ask for Your guidance and wisdom in every step of the way. Grant me a steadfast spirit so that I can honor You in every action and word, irregardless of my moods.