maMaSan’s MuSes…

It was a rough morning, and I found myself very lacking in loving response. Turning to 1 Corinthians 13, and with brokeness of heart, I prayed:

Lord, You said no matter how much I pray or speak in tongues or prophesy, if I have not love, I am nothing. Whatever I speak to my kids only sounds like a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

Lord, I pray that:

I will be patient – no matter how provoking the attitude or reactions.

I will be kind – and discipline kindly, no matter how wilful or temper shown.

I will not envy other people’s well-behaved compliant and easy children but find reasons to rejoice in mine.

I will not boast over whatever capability I have, if any.

I will not allow any prideful thoughts or actions.

I will not be rude to my children, no matter what rude words or responses I get, but will thoughtfully and firmly instruct them in the right way with my own kind words.

I will not seek myself, my own time, my own rights, my own conveniences, but think of their needs more than mine within what limits You would also consider.

I will not be easily angered, no matter how much my buttons are pressed. I will lessen the number of my buttons, and let them be less easily pressed.

I will keep no records of wrongs but will easily and quickly forgive.

I will always protect them and their reputation, and resist the temptation to gossip or complain about them, but instead speak praises about them whenever I can. Ditto with hubby.

I will always trust in You to carry things through as I walk in obedience.

I will always persevere in doing good and not give up.

And Lord, You said that all that – will never fail. Lord, please don’t give up on me. I promise I’ll keep trying.

This morning’s devotion spoke volumes to me especially after yesterday’s homework incident.

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/01/youre-can-do-kid.html

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

I was encouraged by how Renee shared about how she managed to turn around her “I Can’t” son to a “Can-Do” kid simply by changing what she called them.

It was a great reminder of how Peter and Gideon rose up to be mighty men of God despite being shifty and wimpish, probably in large part due to Jesus calling them a “rock” (Peter) and “mighty warrior”(Gideon) even when their actions warranted other “names”.

Yes, I must look beyond my frustration to see what lesson I can impart to my children in every moment rather than be clouded by the heat of the situation. I must always strive to bless and uplift, not curse nor tear down.

Lord, today help me to look out for opportunities to encourage my children to be Can-Do Kids just as You have called them to be. Set a guard over my lips so that the names I call them by are life-giving and never destroying. Help me always remember to bless and encourage and never tear down, no matter how frustrated I am. Thank You for this lesson and reminder. 

"May there not be any unwholesome talk come out of my mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

It was a rough day that ended well. I gave S a couple pages of maths (well ok, 14 pages but v v easy ones and no problem sums…) to do which saw him complaining from start to finish. Basically he complained 8 minutes out of 10 and the remaining 2mins were used to do his work. Argh.

Tried my best to keep my voice down and the cane far away but it was h a r d listening to speeches minute-by-minute like :

“I really hate today, it’s my worst day”

“I wish I wasn’t born then I don’t need to do any work.”

“Ohhhh it’s soooo hard.” (and that for a super simple question which he knew how to do but too lazy to do working)

“Write down the answer for me.”

“I want to die and go to heaven.”

“Can I rest? I’m so tired.”

“Groan. Moan. Grumble. Whine. Complain.”

Ugh. I don’t remember complaining half this much as a kid, and my parents didn’t ever have to discipline me over my work. And lest you think I’m a tough master, I let this kid have a couple of 10 mins breaks. After all, school only just started and he’s only in P2.

TV time got confiscated, which only saw S raging mad that lasted half an hour of pure rage, and I retreated to my room to keep both of us safe. Door nearly got pounded down and I contemplated doling out a hard caning thereafter. Which I decided not to since it’s been consistently done in the past to no effect. He still does it and the rage is still there. It simply did not address the issue.   

Fast forward 2 hours to bedtime.

We finally reconnected during bedtime after some serious soul-searching (mine), and we discussed a solution – he hates doing long chunks of work and I need him to do some practice. We will try out – daily – Eng/Chinese/Math – all subjects per day but only 2-3 pages max per subject according to difficulty. Not like entire chapters at a time like today. This will hopefully let him have the impression of “doing less” although we’ll actually be doing about the same, but at shorter chunks, and daily. Hopefully this way we can complete a chapter of each subject in the space of a week instead of a day.

Whew. I sure hope I can keep this up. I know it’ll be much easier just doling out chapter by chapter of assignment to do but it’ll be worth it if it can help him work faster and cheerier.

Wake up early to start each day with the Lord. Yes, that is one of my New Yr Resolutions, and I thank God for a dear friend who gladly volunteered to be my partner in this commitment. Previously I’d wake at 6am, prepare S for school then do my devotion after he leaves.

This year, I will try – really really try – my best – discipline myself – thank you dear buddy – to wake early – 5am (we’re starting 5.30 first then move backwards) to do devotions BEFORE anyone else wakes so that I’ll truly start the day with the Lord first. We’re also going to do proverbs31 daily devotions and feedback with each other on our journey. http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/ 

Today was our 2nd day. Received her sms at 5.25am. Struggled less than yesterday in keeping my eyes open, prob partly due to an earlier bedtime at 11am. I tell myself I have to commit to an even earlier bedtime in order to have a fresher mind to talk with Him.

Today my devotion was consisting of mainly one request -

“Lord, take away all my tendency for fleshy response to my kids. I am all too easily fired up and before I know it, I will have blown and regret later. Help me stop and ask for a gentle spirit so that all my responses will be those that build and encourage.”

Read through Proverbs31devotions links on Anger and was rather ministered by it. This part that I found on parenting stood out:

“Their children will be successful everywhere; an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.” (Psalm 112)

Did you catch that? Reread today’s key verse above, then read verse 2. I had to read and reread these verses several times. As I pondered them I realized the truth in the message: the success or lack of success in the life of my children rests on me, in fact, generation to generation. The future of the children God has entrusted to me and the children they will bring into this world (my grandchildren) is affected by my willingness to obey the Lord’s commands and to reverently fear Him. The reality of this truth makes me more eager than ever to obey the Lord, not just obey but delightfully obey Him.

I haven’t read very many “raising kids books.” I don’t know much about the reputation and integrity of the authors who write them. I can boast with great confidence, however, in the Author of book that taught me today’s truth. His reputation is impeccable and His record is unblemished. His advice on childrearing is trustworthy and when followed will produce the results promised.

I don’t know about you, but I am not willing to risk the success of my children and grandchildren on my own plans and ideas for their future. My plan is to put today’s key verse into practice, sit back and watch what happens.

Following the words of the Author not only blesses your children and the future generations, but also pleases your Heavenly Father and gives Him the desire to bless you for your obedience. A two-fold blessing – you can’t get any better than that!

Festive season is coming, and it is quickly apparent how swamped a sole proprietorship can be! To be in charge of admin, marketing, packaging, delivery and design all rolled into one! Whew! Am now blogging whilst waiting for a document to be attached to my email.

Feeling rather sorry for the kids who hardly saw me all day although we’re in the same house! And it pretty sucks that exam period is around the corner. Sam has been doing his work alongside while I package hampers, do photo shoot and email my clients.

That said, I still enjoy my work! It gives me a creative outlet and something to think about other than kids.

No photos to show… unless you wan to see my hampers hee hee…..

Ok document is done uploading, GTG!!!

We hope so! To begin, this is an example of a Higher Chinese Comprehension Text for Primary One. Is it my “jiak-kantang” background or is it honestly a bit cheem for Pri 1? Note the crumpled paper and messy writing which testifies of all the rubbing and frustrated boy and many many re-writes.

And a list of chen-yu which I was flabbergasted at but AMAZINGLY Sam was able to memorize (rote-memory no doubt, did it in class where all recited them by hard). I don’t even understand 80% of them (ok, I scraped through Chinese by the skin of my teeth). Do you?

WELL…. This is what I did up and put up at the dining table under the clear plastic sheet, for S to recite and practice daily at mealtimes. The words in black are those they are supposed to recognise anywhere (of course in exam papers too), and those in blue are those they have to know how to write with their eyes closed.

We’ve been doing this couple of weeks, alternating chapters each time, and S seems quite ok with them – enjoying it even, since this only takes up less than 10mins:

5 mins – recite all words in black. Out loud.

5 mins – “finger-write” on table all words in blue. Quickly, so after this can watch TV!

Perhaps due to the faster pace, and no need to write (another whole ball game), it’s been working out quite fine… Hopefully exam time end of next month won’t be so bad after all…

We originally intended to visit the horse stables at Pasir Ris (yes! There are horses in the East!) Check them out at www.gallopstable.com/ but ended enjoying the mangrove swamp pathway more It’s at the same place slightly away from the stables at 61 Pasir Ris Green (car park C). Just stroll towards the sign that says “mangrove swamp”.

Our first “find”: X-Beetle!!

The sentimental side of me found this rather sweet…

Didn’t know u could find Sooooo many crabs in mangroves!! There were zillions of them everywhere… edible ones, too! They’re called Vinegar crabs, where the Teochews used to pickle them with vinegar and eat them with sauce. Mmmm….

Here’s ONE of them sitting on top of his mud home.

Nice little find in Singapore! Only thing we didn’t like about the place were the mozzies – bring a good spray if you’re ever intending to go there!

It’s amazing what pooch-loving entrepreneurs come up with these days. Dresses and coats for dogs! I’ve been introduced into the doggie fashion arena by self-confessed fashion queen SIL who bought these two adorable outfits in Phuket for her own pooch which has outgrown them.

I think they look bAbLiCiOuS on LV. Finally, a girl to indulge in dressing.

 MIL says she’s going to buy MORE end of this year when she goes to Chatuchak market. Yaay!!

My Fave – Leopard Rocker Babe!

Looking Fresh in Blue

I was lying down with the kids, w a i t i n g for them to s l e e p. Sam was already zonked out but I was getting rather annoyed with Matt flopping about and singing – obviously not sleeping. When he suddenly plonked his cute little face right in front of mine, nose-to-nose, gave me a loud sloppy kiss, said “I YUVE YOU MUMMY” and stayed right there with his nose pressed against mine, silly grin on his face!! How on earth can you remain annoyed with something like that?!

I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep, tried my best NOT to laugh but couldn’t really help the grin & giggle escaping from within. Oh this little rascal is going to charm his way around some gals someday!! But I treasured this cheeky & loving moment from my little preschooler who is trying so hard to grow up and yet remain little.

It took another half an hour (& more stern reminders) before he finally slept.

Originally uploaded by yooch24

On Saturday, Sam threw a MEGA tantrum over a really trivial issue. The boys were “sharing” 6 construction vehicles, and both wanted a particular one.

Well, none wanted to give way so Sam snatched it away right in front of me. Seeing it, all 6 vehicles were confiscated and I told S that Matt gets to pick 1st since S was the one who snatched for the vehicle. Well S threw a huge boo-hoo-hoo over how unfair it was and I shd have used a spinner to decide who goes first.

Breathed deeply and got S to calm down (very very hard and very very long). Once he was calm, I suddenly had the presence of mind to remember what El shared with me once – a social drawing! Had to be done immediately after a tantrum. So I whipped out an A4 paper and black marker and drew what S’s tantrum looked like. Basically very dark and ugly, and showed with dark strokes how it affected everyone in the household.

Um the pic looks v rough since I was still boiling when I did it …

Then I drew on the right hand side what it could’ve been with more matured acceptance of something he wasn’t happy with. How it could have helped brought the family together and lead to smiles in everyone instead.

He was so impressed with it that he immediately relaxed, looked ashamed of himself (for lack of a better word) and apologised to all of us for his behavior. He even wrote this behind the drawing.

It said “Book about Peace and Love (heart, flowers), and Tantrum”. And S was remarkably better self-controlled after that. I ended that episode feeling just a bit singed (from the emotions) but at least not burnt up as I normally wld have.

Then at night, we followed up with a social story. (I have written more info on social stories here http://mamasan.wordpress.com/2008/05/24/what-a-relief/)

Somehow upon looking back at it I feel it could be improved upon, but am not really sure how. But anyhow S liked it very much as “H I S” story, and said it was very nice. We put it together with the drawing into a clear folder to be reviewed time & again, and must remember to do another one the next time another tantrum takes place!

Thanks El, for this idea – it helped us weather through that day!